In Bed With Billy: Reconnecting to the past for the sake of a future May 3, 2010
Posted by Sonya Hudson in : Style , trackbackBy Billy Curtis, Sex Columnist
Every now and again it’s a good idea to take a moment to stop and evaluate the good in your life. We often forget to do this, and in the process can sometimes disregard what is important to us in the long run. Goals, friendships, relationships: all can be lost as quickly as they were found.
But life is funny. Connections are constantly changing; one minute you’re dating someone, the next you are enemies and never speak again — or so you think. The many roles people play in our lives are important, and it’s also important to remember that no matter what happens between anyone you encounter in this life, it’s for a reason.
I had been asking myself questions about the ties I had to the people who were important to me presently, to the people I had lost in the past and to the endless possibilities of what the future may hold. This got me contemplating some reconnections, along with some failed ones, a friend of mine and I had been going through recently.
Caroline and I had been friends since we were introduced in college, and after graduating, she moved back to her hometown in New Jersey.
Before she returned to Jersey, she had met a man named Jacob while at home one weekend. He was smart, certainly attractive and seemed as normal as anyone else. But looks can be more than deceiving — they can be devastating.
After a few short months of dating long distance, Jacob simply disappeared; there were no signs of problems in the relationship. Jacob’s reason was that he wasn’t over the ex he just broke up with a couple of months back. Caroline was left wondering what happened and what she could have possibly done wrong.
When Caroline moved home, she had moved on from Jacob and was starting over again in a familiar place. One night while out drinking with her friends, as Caroline ordered her dirty vodka martini, a touch she recognized caught her attention and upon turning around, she saw Jacob standing behind her.
The initial shock of running into him was a bit much, but she recovered and quickly remembered how much she liked him from their brief conversation at the bar. And so they exchanged numbers and began seeing each other again.
In a conversation one day, Jacob told Caroline about the ex he hadn’t been over when they had previously dated. He felt horrible about what he’d done to her, and was willing to make it up to her forever — words that aren’t original, and promises that are rarely kept.
Jacob and his ex had dated for over five years and were in line to get married until the engagement was broken off.
Jacob never told her the reason the wedding never happened and left most of the important details of his previous relationship a secret. It seemed as though Caroline’s reconnection with Jacob was better for both of them.
Caroline was happier than ever about her born-again relationship with Jacob. Everything seemed fine, and after almost a year of dating, marriage was dropped onto the conversation plate.
Then Jacob started becoming distant towards her out of nowhere, ignoring her phone calls and texts, and when he was with her she would feel as though he wasn’t there at all.
Finally, Caroline began to wonder what was going on with Jacob. How could someone go from talking about marriage to not talking at all?
One night when Jacob said that he was at home relaxing, Caroline decided to see if he was really home.
Doing some investigating, Caroline found out that Jacob was at his ex’s apartment, and that his ex of five years was actually his present girlfriend of six years.
Caroline realized that during their sixth year of dating, she was the other woman and the secret connection that Jacob was having with his ex was really his full-time relationship.
It turned out that Jacob had made his reconnection with Caroline for kicks — stringing her along and leaving her alone, even more hurt the second time than the first.
She asked me why this happened to her, and why she deserved this. I had no answers for her, only the reassurance that she would find someone new and better who wouldn’t treat their second attempt at a relationship as something on the side, let alone their first.
It’s smart to keep good people in your life, and while sometimes it can be a little difficult to know how these people will affect you, but limiting yourself out of fear due to past misconnections is only going to hurt you in the end. No one likes saying goodbye. Sometimes it’s tough, but it can be the only option left available to you.
As this semester comes to an end, think about what you’ve learned this year, and if the people you congregate with, the people you date and the people you sleep with will be connections that will last long.
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