Rock, Paper, Action: Mockumentary The Flying Scissors is Amusing, but Not Much Else November 5, 2009
Posted by style in : Style , add a commentJosh Hylton, Staff Writer
There’s a game I play with my friends. It is always spur of the moment and it always comes about when we have a disagreement, when neither my friend nor I want to get up and do something. It is initiated by one quick sentence: “Let’s go, on ‘shoot.’”
That game is Rock Paper Scissors, but to us, it is more than a game. It’s a way of life. It is sacred and the loser must do what is expected of him, no questions asked.
Perhaps that is why I was so amused by the new mockumentary, The Flying Scissors, a film that puts a humorous satirical spin on the hallowed game.
The film follows the National Rock Paper Scissors League as they prepare for the upcoming championship where dozens of regional winners from all over the nation will compete in upstate New York with the hope of being crowned the NRPSL champion.
Among the contestants are Leon Washington, played by Mike Britt, who uses vulgar trash talk to intimidate his opponents, Frank, played by Todd Susman, an aging man who has come down with arthritis in his RPS hand, making it increasingly difficult to compete, and more zany kooks that spend a little too much time thinking about the seemingly arbitrary game of Rock Paper Scissors.
Each contestant has their own way of preparing for the upcoming event.
Leon records his swearing and plays it back to himself while others hire coaches and partake in training exercises that include crunching probability numbers, playing video games, doing cardio and even wrestling alligators.
How some of these translate to the game of Rock Paper Scissors, I haven’t the slightest idea.
Not that it matters anyway. The Flying Scissors isn’t trying to wow you through story or emotional involvement. It only hopes to provide a silly, stupid, fun time for all, and it succeeds for a while, though it is limited in its appeal.
There are only so many times you can watch someone enthusiastically throw rock before it begins to get dull.
Its biggest problems are that it doesn’t go anywhere unforeseen and it tends to drop certain side stories altogether.
For example, the NRPSL’s rival is the Coin Toss Consortium, a coin flipping league, which is brought up only to serve as a very loose antithesis to the NRPSL, but it is quickly forgotten after a couple of brief scenes that don’t provide any extra depth to the film’s already flimsy story.
Combine this with the unnecessary, misplaced political jab and the fact that we never truly come to know or care about any of these characters and you have a movie that wears out its welcome far too quickly.
What The Flying Scissors does is take what would have been a hilarious short and stretches it to its breaking point.
Nevertheless, it shows moments of inspiration, mocking the seriousness of big sporting events that in actuality hold just as little significance as a paltry Rock Paper Scissors match. In this regard, it is quite smart, but it never capitalizes on the satire and fails to say anything relevant about the sporting world.
The Flying Scissors is a moderately amusing, if a bit sporadic, picture that will work as a good watch on a rainy weekend, but like playing an actual game of Rock Paper Scissors, once is enough.
Movies That Rock: They’ve Got the Beat: The All-Time Best Films About Music November 5, 2009
Posted by style in : Style , add a commentRoss Bonaime, Staff Writer
Last Wednesday, Michael Jackson’s final concert opus, This Is It, was released to rave reviews and sold-out showings.
On Nov. 13, Pirate Radio will be released. It’s a movie starring Philip Seymour Hoffman about DJs going out to sea to broadcast illegal rock and roll radio to ‘60s England.
With this recent rise of music in movies, here are the top-ten movies about music:
10. School of Rock
What would happen if Jack Black took over a private school’s music class?
The film shows the educational power that all types of music can have on children and that Black would make a pretty great music teacher.
9. 8 Mile
At the height of Eminem’s musical career, Marshall Mathers made his stunning film debut appearing as underground rapper B-Rabbit. The film builds around his constant struggles until finally they burst into a breathtaking musical performance that hits viewers as hard as life has hit B-Rabbit. With “Lose Yourself,” Mathers won an Oscar for best song.
8. I’m Not There
Todd Haynes decided to take a spin on typical rock biographies like Ray and Walk the Line by having six different actors play Bob Dylan in different points of his life, including a fantastic performance by Cate Blanchett. This unconventional film is a refreshing look at the folk singer’s career and the personas he created for himself.
7. Yankee Doodle Dandy
James Cagney performs as patriotic songsmith George M. Cohan. His performance is widely considered to be one of the greatest musician biographies of all time. Cagney shines as the charismatic musician and makes this one of the most classic music movies ever.
6. DiG!
Documentarian Ondi Timoner followed two bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre, for seven years. What resulted was the success of The Dandy Warhols, the downward spiral of BJM, the destruction of the friendship between the two bands and a movie depicting just how far some will go to make the great music they want.
5. The Jazz Singer
“You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!” Al Jolson proclaimed as the first words heard in “talkie” films. He was completely right. Jolson plays the son of Jewish parents who want him to follow his father’s footsteps as a Jewish cantor, but Jolson wants to be a song-and-dance man. This film finally made it possible for audiences to not only see but hear what was going on in the great musicals.
4. Moulin Rouge
Baz Luhrmann’s spastic take on turn-of-the-century France takes a look at the popular club that features the revolutionaries of Bohemian art nightly. Satine, played by Nicole Kidman, is the beautiful courtesan with whom young playright Christian, played by Ewan McGregor, falls in love.
Luhrmann brings new life to the City of Lights in this tragic tale by using modern pop songs such as “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Like a Virgin.”
3. This is Spinal Tap
Rob Reiner’s mockumentary about a ridiculous metal band is great not just because it’s hilarious, but also because it’s similar to the actual bands of the time.
Reiner documents Spinal Tap as they go on their latest tour. What follows is one of the worst tours ever and one of the funniest comedies of all time.
2. High Fidelity
Record store owner Rob Gordon (John Cusack) has just been dumped by his girlfriend Laura, leaving him to create his list of top-five girlfriends of all time. Gordon ponders which came first for him, the music or the misery, as his vast record collection—and the lessons he’s learned from them—help him cope with the loss of his latest love in this romantic comedy.
1. Almost Famous
The story of underage journalist William Miller, who starts writing for Rolling Stone and starts touring with up-and-coming rock band Stillwater, is actually based on the childhood events of director Cameron Crowe as he followed various rock bands in his youth. William’s love for the music brings him to meet legendary “Band-Aid” Penny Lane (Kate Hudson). Crowe beautifully shows young love, not only for Penny, but also for the music in this lovely look at the legendary rock music of the ‘70s.
Isolated Incident: Dane Cook to Visit the Patriot Center November 5, 2009
Posted by style in : Style , add a commentPatrick Wall, Style Editor
It’s been nearly two years, but he’s back. On Nov. 6, outspoken comedian and actor Dane Cook will bring his antics back to the Patriot Center with his ISolated INcident Global Thermo Comedy Tour.
Known for his outrageous observational humor, Cook has proven to be a smash hit among college students.
Starting his career in Los Angeles, Cook appeared on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend in 1998. Since then, he has released five comedy albums and has toured successfully for each.
In 2004, his album Retaliation was the first comedy album in nearly thirty years to climb the Billboard charts, peaking at number four. This feat put him in the company of comedy greats like Bill Cosby. He is notable as being one of only two comedians to sell out the famed Madison Square Garden. For his latest release, titled ISolated INcident, Cook performed in front of a crowd of 30 at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.
In addition to his successful stand-up career, Cook is also known for his acting. He has acted in over 20 movies, starring in such films as the cult classic Waiting…, Employee of the Month co-starring Jessica Simpson, and Good Luck Chuck. He also tried his hand at dramatic acting, starring alongside Kevin Costner in Mr. Brooks.
Cook’s live show is an eccentric and enthusiastic look at life. He is erratic and jumpy onstage, using body movements and noises to accompany his jokes.
In an interview, Cook said that he will go to great lengths onstage to make an audience get his jokes and laugh.
Tickets are available at the Patriot Center box office for $103, $63 and $33.
The box office is open Monday through Thursday from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. Tickets are also available at ticketmaster.com and by calling Ticketmaster Phonecharge at (703)-573-SEAT.
Metal Madness: Iconic Metal Bands Rock the Patriot Center November 5, 2009
Posted by style in : Style , add a commentChris Earp, Broadside Correspondent
This Halloween, two iconic heavy metal bands made their way to George Mason University for a show to end all shows. The headliners, Dethklok and Mastodon, are both unique within the genre.
The former is actually a cartoon band around which the television show Metalocalypse is based. The short comedy takes a satirical look at the metal world, poking fun at the industry and bands themselves.
Real musicians record Dethklok’s music, and two genuine albums later, have amassed a large and rabid fan base.
Mastodon has been an integral part of American metal for years. Since the Atlanta-based band first crashed onto the scene with Remission in 2002, their music has been evolving steadily.
The product of this evolution is Crack the Skye, a concept album that fans had the pleasure of hearing played all the way through this Halloween.
One of the reasons that heavy metal concerts are so much fun to attend is that the fans are so energetic.
The excitement that I felt just milling about, trying to find my seat was absolutely electric. It seemed like everyone I saw was wearing a Mastodon or Dethklok shirt, and some were even dressed like characters from Metalocalypse.
On my way to my seat, I asked as many people as I could which band they were there to see. The general consensus was that Dethklok’s presence bought the ticket and that Mastodon was an added bonus of very precious value.
The opening bands, High on Fire and Converge, also had a good number of fans come out, but many of the people I spoke with hadn’t even heard of them. When I took my seat, High on Fire charged onto the stage and the show began.
Their music was intense and unrelenting, drums pounding ferociously and mean guitar riffs scorching our ears. Their set was about half an hour long, with absolutely no decrease in energy. Converge’s set was a classic example of what can go wrong at a concert.
The sound levels were so erratic and uncontrolled that for some songs only the drums were truly audible and for others the bass drowned out the singer.
It was difficult to watch because the band obviously has an immense amount of talent, but it was overshadowed by the mistakes made at the soundboard.
Mastodon’s set was an absolute triumph. Backed by a video screen featuring a psychedelic film, they fulfilled every fan’s dream. Not only did they play “Crack the Skye,” but they finished with classic songs such as “March of the Fire Ants” from the album Blood Mountain. Brent Hinds’ guitar playing was genuinely original and his solos were melodic yet unsettling. Dethklok was no less impressive.
Special unseen clips of Metalocalypse played at different intervals throughout the show, adding comedy to the evening.
The band itself was musically spot on for the entire evening, a huge feat considering the technical difficulty of songs such as “Thunderhorse.”
Overall the night was full of excitement and brutal energy, both fitting qualities for a Halloween show.
Tuesday Jams: Baby Grand Takes the Stage at Jazzman’s November 5, 2009
Posted by style in : Style , add a commentChris Earp, Broadside Correspondent
Happy to get out of the October drizzle, I ducked into the warmth of Jazzman’s.
Not many people were there, save for some film students taping the show and a couple of coffee drinkers.
It seemed that the only people intently eyeing the “stage” (which was simply the corner opposite the entrance) were directly related to the event in some capacity or another.
For those who don’t know, every Tuesday at 3:30 p.m., the Program Board hosts a “jam” at Jazzman’s, a coffee shop located on the ground floor of the Johnson Center at George Mason University.
I took a seat close to the PA and glanced around, trying to find someone affiliated with the Program Board. I finally identified her after hearing her talking to the film students.
Interdisciplinary Studies major Sho Roberts, a Mason grad student and first-year member of the Program Board, happily explained the idea behind Tuesday Jams.
“The idea is basically to give students a relaxed environment that they can hang out in and support local music. We alternate who plays weekly; first we’ll have an open mic type setting, then we’ll feature a [Mason] student, and finally we showcase a local artist,” she said.
Just as she finished, the musician started another song, the chord lingering before his voice joined it.
His name is Miguel Fenicela, Jr. At just 17, he has representation and plays gigs around the area. His stage name is Baby Grand and he certainly lives up to it.
Despite his slight stature, the music he makes comes through loud and clear, honest and original. His style is an interesting mix of Conor Oberst after his Bright Eyes project and Jack Johnson’s early work.
He sounds calm and in control much like Oberst, (even employing his signature light tremolo on longer notes) with Johnson’s command of the guitar. It was refreshing to hear acoustic pop-type music that employed thoughtful chords and key changes.
In short, Grand didn’t get boring. The most appealing thing about his stage presence was the fact that the audience could tell that he was having fun.
The people who had stopped by just for coffee all seemed pleasantly surprised, whether they were bobbing their heads, tapping their feet or just smiling. After his set, I got a chance to speak with Fenicela.
When I asked how he found representation and booked gigs, he laughed. “Just as I started really writing music, my mom and sister formed this promotion company,” he said. “I helped out and kept writing, maintaining relationships and here I am.”
During our conversation, I learned that he is self-taught and that the thing he finds hardest in live performance is achieving control over his audience’s emotions.
After our conversation, I looked around one more time and frowned. I was genuinely shocked by the sparseness of the audience.
In total, I counted just four people that were in no way related to the event and were sitting to listen. This kind of special, yet regular, event often goes unnoticed, but certainly deserves attention.
To get a glimpse of Baby Grand, visit his page at http://myspace.com/thebabygrandmusic.
In Bed with Billy: Does Size Really Matter? November 5, 2009
Posted by Sonya Hudson in : Style , add a commentBilly Curtis, Sex Columnist
Once upon a time, there was a young girl with long golden hair. She wandered the lands far and wide in search of something she was direly looking for – the perfect sausage.
The girl saw many things she thought she would never see and felt things she never thought she would feel along the way, but none of the sausages she had were good enough.
Then finally, she came to a house. The girl slowly opened the front door and walked into a kitchen with three plates on the table. Each plate had a sausage on it and she decided to try each one.
She tasted the first plate, but the sausage was just too small and didn’t satisfy her.
So, the girl moved on to the second sausage and it was just too spicy. “Ouch! This is too hot,” she said, and moved onto the last plate, with the largest sausage of all three.
She stuck a piece of the sausage in her mouth, and let it sit there until the wonderful taste seeped into her throat, and then proceeded to finish off the entire sausage. Some girls just prefer the bigger sausages.
Big ones, long ones, small ones, fat ones – Dr. Seuss could make the list go on for days.
To women, size can be an important factor, but also one that is stereotyped. Most women think it’s the size that matters when it comes to having sex.
To men, being self-conscious about their penis size can be its own burden without having to wonder whether your partner may be thinking the same thing.
The truth is that it isn’t always the size that matters most, but rather how well-experienced your partner may be.
It is said that men who lack in the girth department make up for it in other ways, like foreplay.
Think of it like a blind person gaining stronger responses from their other four senses. Not to mention that a penis is still clearly a penis, unless you enter the baby carrot-size territory.
I’ve encountered quite the variety of issues when it comes to the size department.
These include sometimes having to turn guys away who didn’t quite reach the standards that I set for a sexual partner, or even dating someone who may have had the perfect size but was also having some erectile dysfunction problems that they weren’t quite ready to face.
Complications come and go, but I was left wondering: Why has there always been such a fascination with the size of a penis?
In Greek mythology, many were obsessed with the male genitalia, but certainly not with their size. It was more common to see paintings and sculptures with small phalluses.
Obviously, they understood that it really wasn’t the size that mattered.
A few years ago, I encountered my first problems with size. I was dating a guy named Lucas. He was smart, confident (sometimes overly so), and extremely attractive.
Everything seemed great until we got into the bedroom, and he explained to me his fears of being too small and unable to satisfy anyone.
He ended up working himself into a panic and convinced himself that this wasn’t working and immediately left, begging me never to tell anyone.
This was a prime case of “small penis syndrome,” where a man who may not even have a small penis questions himself so intently that it drives him to avoid sexual contact all together.
My relationship with Lucas was extremely short-lived. And while I was bumming over my partner’s small penis predicament, my friend Alex was sizing up the competition through experimental research.
Alex had been doing her own social experiments on guys and the preoccupation they have with their own size.
She went on random dates to see what car they drove or the house they owned. After making her assumptions on their size based on her observations, she would bring them home and determine the real size of what they were packing.
The results she found were quite interesting, and it really is true that guys who have a smaller penis will try and compensate with maybe a flashier car, larger SUV, or some other grand material item that brings them comfort in some way or another.
Men need to feel proud about something, whether it be something they have on their body, or something they own; lacking in the baby-maker department will seriously give any guy a complex, and bring that displacement to other areas of their lives.
Men have a hard enough time wondering about whether or not they are adequate, but truthfully, the penis was only meant to reproduce, give sexual pleasure and urinate.
Size isn’t much of a factor in any of those departments. Luckily, I’ve never had any problem with my member.
But for those of you who do, just remember that there are more ways to pleasure someone than sexual intercourse and you just need to make better use of your resources and knowledge.
After all, if there are still people being born with small penises, they are obviously finding some way to reproduce in this world.
So, forget the misconceptions and go for what you think is best. In the end, it’s all your preference anyway.